Lord of All Seasons

"If I can't give thanks, trust, and worship the Lord in every 'season,' in the face of any set of facts which may touch my life, I am not really a believer. It is here, in my corner of God's earth, that I'm assigned my lessons in the School of Faith." From "Keep a Quiet Heart" by Elisabeth Elliot

I don't know how good of a student I am in this "School of Faith." Often times I feel incapable of completing any of my given tasks. Sure I can take care of the little things, like keep the house, school the girls, do the laundry, make the meals, but the things that I think count for most of my grade, if in truth I'm being graded for this season, I can't seem to get to, as if my legs are made of lead and I move in slow motion in a very rapid life.

I am thankful, I do trust and worship the Lord in this very cold and listless season of my life. If only those things would motivate me to action, well that's another matter. I wonder if this is a normal part of grieving? Truthfully I don't want to use that as an excuse for my inability to act. I feel trapped at home, not wanting to leave, but when I do I am reluctant to return. Coming home is just as hard as leaving. All his things await patiently, for his return. Only I know he's not coming back! So I have decided to move forward and do what must be done quickly, all in one shot. I have called the ladies from church to come and help me get his stuff out of the house. I can see why people move after a love one leaves for heaven. Alas Naomi left, Ron left and I'm still here! Change is needed, the older ones have gone and taken what is special, all that is left is stuff, the insignificant everyday stuff, running gear, shoes, coats, etc. All the things no longer needed to function in a heavenly home. I'm aware that looking at the empty spaces will be just as hard but at least I'll be one step ahead in this process. Grieving is like childbirth, it only gets harder before it is over.

The ladies will be coming next week, and I'll be a good student and learn, and glorify Him as we put things away being thankful that he lived and enjoyed all these things that made it possible for him to love and play with us.