Senses

I am now finding life more arresting, feeling it with ferocity, every little experience monumental and intoxicating, as if I'm living in a world of giants and even the almost non existing smell of the ground is overwhelming. Why are my senses so acute, why do they hold me hostage, not only to my present but to my past? I have always experienced life thru my senses only leaving out sight. Many a nights I laid in my bedroom with my eyes closed tightly, listening to angry voices outside the door, smelling alcohol pouring out of my stepfather's pores, feeling the dampness of sweat in the hot and humid hours of the early dawn, engaging my mind in the ferocious act of trying to make the moment not real just because I failed to see it with my own eyes. Now I find myself facing my present with the same aggressive feelings, if only I close my eyes tightly to this maybe it's not real, but I can smell loneliness, taste the coolness of my tears, feel the presence of nostalgia in my every movement and hear sadness in every beat of my heart. I feel like a Russian character trapped in a very long novel in Siberia...cold and exhausted.