My Storms

Grieving is like being in the open ocean on a very small boat at first, so small that you feel every little movement of the water, every ripple, every wave, making you dizzy and disoriented. Then as you move along in this mass of deep water your legs become accustomed to the rhythm of the ocean and you only feel the bigger waves. Soon you exchange the little boat for a bigger one and the movement is less noticeable coupled with the fact that you're used to the water and soon you feel only the biggest of waves, but you're still traveling in this mass of water without destination and subjected to the storms the earth generates. I expect them now, when the waters have been calm for a while I know a storm is brewing and I anticipate the gale force of wind and water in my horizon. These past two days I have been bearing a storm, my emotions are as unpredictable as the waves, the force of each drowning my common sense, just tossing me around and beating up my body. The reason for each storm is still a mystery to me. What triggers the wind to hit my face and the water to almost drown me could be anything, I'm always on the alert yet each time it happens I'm unprepared. I have learned to just face each with complete surrender and let the force of my emotions exhaust me. I have tried to bear down and stop it but I'm tired and I just surrender with infinite patience for I know that eventually they will subside and I'll have rest. I'm done analyzing grief, and have just accepted it. Every one has an opinion but until you have been on that boat you can't give advice from the safety of land. Climb in this boat with me and just hold me while the storm rages on and passes. Courage is something like patience, it can only be exercise in the most uncomfortable moments in life. Soon land will be within my sight but for the moment I'm bearing down another storm, knowing this won't be the last and hoping I can have the courage to persevere.