By now I should be so trusting of Him that I would not fret over situations yet to be experienced, my mind plays with my heart often making me feel less stronger than I am. He keeps reminding me that "I am better than I thought and stronger than I believed." Last night was to be my first night alone in the house, after dropping the girls at summer camp for a week. Leaving the girls at camp was very emotional. Abigail rubbed my arm and held on to me 'till the very last minute before I got in the car. I quietly cried part of the way home. I missed them terribly but was also unprepared to be alone, I realize that the Lord is dealing with me in that area of my life. I need to be comfortable with aloneness, I love the quiet house but was dreading sleeping in it. I thought of bringing in my big red dog and let him climb on the couch with me, I didn't think I was "emotionally prepared" for an empty bed last night. Silly? but what can I do, one more thing to get use to, one more fear to surrender. I'm so glad He's very gracious with me and only exposes one weakness at a time, lately I've felt He's on a very intense mission to cleanse me. I wonder what's next?!
After all that worry, I actually slept in my bed alone, well with the menagerie of pets around me ;-) The dogs on the floor at the side and foot of the bed, the bird in her cage quietly cooing before settling for the night and the cat purring at my side nestle between my arm and ribs. I slept soundly, without fear and woke to dawn gently breaking into the room from the skylight above my bed. I cried with relief and thankfulness, "Lord you are so patient with me." I ended up laughing at the silliness of my heart. I should have learned this lesson from my Abigail. Yesterday they had to do a swimming test at camp, and here at home since they swim on the lake and she's never had swimming lessons she has to wear a life vest. She's never gotten in the water without it. I sat and watched from the top bench and wondered if she was going to tell her camp counselor that she can't swim, but to my surprised she jumped in the deep water of the lake without hesitation and swam across as instructed, I stood watching her, surprised that she had so much confidence and no fear when she probably didn't know if she could swim. When she came out of the water and walked to the benches to get her towel I ran to her and hugged her and told her how proud of her I was. She was as surprised as I was that she could swim, I asked her if she was scared and she said no, "I knew that if I began to sink they would pull me out." Isn't that what God does for us? I should have known that if I began to sink from fear He would pull me out!
After all that worry, I actually slept in my bed alone, well with the menagerie of pets around me ;-) The dogs on the floor at the side and foot of the bed, the bird in her cage quietly cooing before settling for the night and the cat purring at my side nestle between my arm and ribs. I slept soundly, without fear and woke to dawn gently breaking into the room from the skylight above my bed. I cried with relief and thankfulness, "Lord you are so patient with me." I ended up laughing at the silliness of my heart. I should have learned this lesson from my Abigail. Yesterday they had to do a swimming test at camp, and here at home since they swim on the lake and she's never had swimming lessons she has to wear a life vest. She's never gotten in the water without it. I sat and watched from the top bench and wondered if she was going to tell her camp counselor that she can't swim, but to my surprised she jumped in the deep water of the lake without hesitation and swam across as instructed, I stood watching her, surprised that she had so much confidence and no fear when she probably didn't know if she could swim. When she came out of the water and walked to the benches to get her towel I ran to her and hugged her and told her how proud of her I was. She was as surprised as I was that she could swim, I asked her if she was scared and she said no, "I knew that if I began to sink they would pull me out." Isn't that what God does for us? I should have known that if I began to sink from fear He would pull me out!
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