California

I just got back from sunny California and I saw and smelled the ocean. How vast, how deep and blue, so much feeling in just one long look...I felt Him present at my side silently talking in the hushing sound of air and sky. Nature heals me, touches me deeply and seeing the endless waters meet endless sky reminded me of His endless love for me. How can I feel so lonely when He so quietly stand closely by? I ran like an energetic child just let out from school, finding trails in my old neighborhood I didn't know existed, running from inland to ocean, logging countless miles under my feet and still feeling like it was not enough. The air was wet and salty, I could taste it with every breath. I laughed at the sound of sea gulls and cried with joy as I heard and saw dolphins playing close to shore. It was only me and nature, too early even for surfers who were still walking down with their gear and eying the swelling waves reluctant to get into the cold water. Why did we leave this place? Then I remembered the old life and how this new life wouldn't fit here. A single mom with five children in Southern California? No, it just wouldn't work no matter how blue and vast the ocean is.