His Song of Affection

Today I got a little card of encouragement from my daughter's pastor with a simple sentence that left me overwhelmed with His grace, "May the Spirit of Christ draw near to you and sing His song of affection to your heart." That is what I have been craving "His song of affection." I have spent over twenty years with a very affectionate man and now I seldom hear that I'm loved or feel the warm touch of affection. My children tell me so but that is not the love I'm referring to nor am I referring to sex. I thrive on proximity, and often now I find myself alone. The dogs get near me and I no longer push them away, but always let the big red dog lick my hand or face and I go looking for my girls to touch, a little rub on the back or just to run my hands thru their silky long hair. But it is always me doing the touching, seeking out with my rough hands for warmth. I miss his gentle attention to my body, the way he would reach out for me when I was doing the most ordinary and mundane little task of the day. He never passed by me without reaching for me as if to assure himself that I was there. Ron's song of affection came to me not as a melody but with touch or written words. He knew how words were the language of my heart and would leave little cards or notes for me to find under my pillow or inside my coat pocket, these were as sweet and gentle as his touch. He knew that growing up my mother never touched me or held me and the only touch I received as a child was perverted so he made an effort to grace me with little tidbits of affectionate touch so frequent as to make up for the many years I lacked them. His words were always loving and affirming, knowing too that all I had received before meeting him was cruel criticism spoken in anger, words that destroyed the little innocent child in me. Now I look at the Living Word for encouragement but I miss warm touch. If only I could feel His arms around me...I would sleep better and would be a little less cold. He sings over me, I can hear it now, but its His affection that I crave.