Ramblings

Today I found a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that caught my attention, "Women are like tea bags, they don't know how strong they are until they get in hot water." I had to laugh because it's so true of us. We think we are capable of a lot less and when hardship hits we are surprised by how much we can endure. I once thought that loosing a child was the greatest hardship, oh how little did I know then about pain and the human spirit. I keep surprising myself every morning when I rise that I have made it thru another day and night, and time rolls forward like an endless carpet before me. Today has been long and the night is just beginning. Why are some days longer than others when all have equal amount of hours? It must be my moods, they are affected by the weather or the moon I don't know which. Some days I miss my old life more and other days I dive into the new life with anticipation. The old and the new, they don't mix, like oil and water. I am often torn between time and space, perhaps that is why Lots wife turned into a pillar of salt, she looked with longing at what was and was unsure at what was soon to come. I wonder if I am not too careful I too will turn into a pillar of salt. What use will I be then to my young ones.

I realize that deciding to move forward is not enough. I know it's a choice but even when I have chosen right the way seems so wrong and my heart fights my mind and it always ends up hurting. I choose God's path, my feet move forward in the direction He has for me but there is pain in every step and like a child I need someone to hold my hand so I can move with a bit more courage. Sometimes even He doesn't seem to be enough.